As the boys start to get a little older I'm starting to realize this Parents of Twins thing will be challenging. I am honestly not too caught up on milestones. I want the boys to thrive, don't get me wrong. But I am also not up in arms if they aren't sitting up or crawling at a certain number of months.
It has proven to be good that I'm not overly stressed about these things since they are preemies but honestly they've been developing well, so it's not been hard to be low key about things. But, I'm sure this will get more difficult.
What has been difficult is separating them as individuals for other people. People ask if "they" are crawling or if "they" are teething and want a yes or no answer. Not, "Well, Crews is starting to crawl but Tate isn't as interested." Or, "Tate is getting another tooth and I haven't seen a new one for Crews lately." That's too much detail. They want yes or no.
And, honestly, I've found it most challenging to make sure people see that I love the boys equally. That sounds weird. But it's true. People see twins as very "tit for tat". If I say something about Crews, I have to say something about Tate. And visa versa. If I post a picture of Crews, I have to post a picture of Tate. Yesterday's blog post was pictures of Tate. Only Tate. So today...pictures of Crews.
But I want them to realize that they are two individual people. I want to raise them as individuals. I want them to look back and see pictures of just them. By themselves or with me or their daddy. Without their brother. And not in the exact same setting just a different baby.
I know children have to be parented differently. Based on their personalities and their needs. I pray that God gives me the strength to be the mom I need to be to both of them. To meet their individual needs and to love them as individuals.
J, You made my day! Those two boys are blessed with parents who understand the importance of treating them as individuals. God created each of them differently and treating them as such is a gift to them.
ReplyDeleteOn another note...YOU look amazing! That grandson of mine is one lucky dude!
I love you both...Can't wait to see you at the beach.
Nanny
This is so great! My mom is a twin and she constantly grew up with having to wear the same outfits-- or match, sharing a birthday, having to share everything-- even when their other siblings didn't have to do the same. Like sharing their first car-- seems like a no brainer for families on a budget-- but their older brother had his own, as did their younger sister.
ReplyDeleteShe's always told me that if she had twins she would let them pick out their own birthday cake(s) and try to make their parties growing up more special. Oftentimes, one just wanted to go out to dinner and get a more expensive present-- while the other wanted the party-- completely different personalities.
If your twins grow up feeling like they are individuals, I would like to think that they will have a stronger friendship, as well. Rather than feeling a sense of resentment for having to be a twin.
I totally get you in this post! I have twin boys as well, who just turned 7 months old. They look NOTHING alike. Do you sometimes feel like friends and family prefer one twin over the other? Maybe it's just my super sensitive-ness, but I feel like (and my husband confirmed it) our families prefer one of my boys over the other. He always gets the most attention bc he's bigger than his brother, smiles more, and reaches milestones sooner than his brother. It breaks my heart for my other son, and I find myself just holding him the entire time family is around. I love them both equally and just want to give them a happy, nurtured life.
ReplyDeleteYour boys are precious!
This post is so precious.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter grew up with friends that were twins. We had never been around twins before. She was actually closer to the one girl, but we found out quickly if one was invited over the other was part of the package. So as preteens and teens we had both girls spending the night because the parents raised them as one instead of twins. Make sense? I never understood it, because I also think they are individuals.
My daughter is grown now and has a daughter of her own. The twins both married (no not the same guy ha ha) and guess what? Each twin had a set of twins!!!!! Unbelievable to me.
Love your blog.
Jann (in Ga.)